anticipation

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day.

Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting...

that song from carly simon has been going thru my head the last couple days. it's too bad she sold it to advertise catsup because it's a good tune.
how much of our lives is lived in the state of anticipation?

when is she going to get here
when is the damn phone going to ring
where is that list of medications
what is the dentist going to say
when will i find out if i got it
where will i get the money
how long is that garbage going to sit on that lawn over there
is he going to email me back
when is the check engine light going to go off
will i lose all my hair
can i make it to the airport on time
when am i going to do my taxes and get it over with
will that chicken thaw
can i find a parking space
how much is that going to cost
i don't want to do that at work please
when is it ever going to warm up
when will i be loved?

“I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened”
― Mark Twain

sometimes anticipation is a good thing. sometimes looking forward into the unknown extrapolating what will be there is better than what lurks there.
a trip for example. so excited about going to ——— ! i can't wait. only 3 more weeks. only 5 more days. what else should i pack? damn, can i make it to the airport on time. i just want to be at ———— !
i can't believe i actually got a date with ———— ! i can't believe it. i must be dreaming. i can't WAIT...

wow, it has been a whole year since i got back from ———— ! hmm, do i want to go back?
being with ———— was like camping in the drizzle without a tent, no paper and wet wood. i thought it would be all fire and music for sure!

the future. it does not exist except as a thought in the no. when it comes, it will be the now. life will be better in the future. i will be fulfilled in the future. i need to get out of this here and get THAT THEN to be happy.

thing is, this is all i ever have. this ever present NOW.

I'm no prophet and I don't know nature's ways
So I'll try and see into your eyes right now
And stay right here 'cause these are the good old days

(These are the good old days)